Fudge, I miss my cat

I really do. Gosh darn it, he was just so awesome. So friendly and loving. John and I used to joke that our animals were equally parts dog and cat since Cujo would climb on the backs of furniture and Odin would wait for us when we got home. He knew when the garage door opened, that meant we would come home and there were almost always four little orange feet under the door when we would walk up the stairs. We didn't let him sleep in our bedroom because he would walk all over our faces at like 5 am but without fail he was outside our door at about 6:30 every morning meowing. It was hilarious because he had food and water and access to the litterbox; he just wanted us to watch him go to the bathroom and eat. One of us would open the door and Odin would race down the hallway to the litterbox as if we had just put it down.
I miss him every day and John has been having anxiety dreams about him every other night. I just miss him.

I'm on to your game

There are several jobs that I've applied to that are just PERFECT for me. Some have turned me down and some haven't replied to me. I've called the non-repliers to ask if they got my resume, cover letter, etc. I just called one organization where I've spoken to the hiring manager before. Here's a rough transcript.
Me: Good afternoon! Is so and so there?
Receptionist: Yes m'am. May I ask who's calling?
Me: Stewart lastname.
Receptionist: Thank you. Please hold while I transfer the call.
**small pause**
I go straight into voicemail.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. I have been a receptionist. Oh, you're avoiding me? Expect me to come by the office. For real.

Caturday

John, Mike and I went to check out some places that did kitten adoptions on Saturday afternoon. We first went to the county shelter, which has only charges $60 for cats but doesn't do FIV testing. What's up with that? We went to PetSmart to see what organizations had kittens for adoption and there were some young cats, but no kittens. We then went to Wescott Acres, where Cujo and Bodhi used to go to daycare and where we've boarded the dogs and Odin before. They have an actual cat rescue now (when we were looking to adopt 2 years ago and eventually, fortunately got Odin we were interested in getting kittens from Wescott Acres but at that point they only housed cats/ kittens from another rescue organization that was over capacity and that organization totally dragged their feet on our application.) so hopefully we won't be in paperwork limbo like we were before. We decided to only get a kitten from Wescott Acres because we want to support them (they're totally awesome) and the staff and volunteers there know us, so we know that they would only call us if a kitten who would fit with Cujo and Bodhi came in.
John and I discussed it and we aren't getting a kitten to band-aid the hole that Odin's loss has left. The house definitely feels empty without a cat. We liked being cat owners and want another high energy cat who will have fun with two energetic doggie playmates.

Not a winning combination

High gravity beer and emo music are not my friends tonight. The only thing keeping me from digging up Odin's body and opening his eye and holding him is the sub-freezing temps.

I'm out on the sofa because John is sleep talking and calling out "Come here! Don't take him! Sugar, don't take him! Come here!" while rapidly patting his thigh. I don't know how Sugar (presumably Allie's dog) fits into the equation but he's obviously talking about Odin.

The right thing and the easy thing are so rarely the same.

That was horrible.

My biggest fear, since Odin became sick, was that he would die alone and uncomfortable. We took him to the vet tonight to have him put down and requested to be there when the sedative was administered. His liver was so far gone that his blood wasn't clotting and two vet techs and the vet couldn't get an IV in him, so the vet had to kill him by sticking the medicine directly in his heart and we couldn't be around to see that. He was bleeding so badly that they wrapped him in two towels.
His burial was what I wanted, though. This is so gross. I'm sorry. He was still warm and pliant so we let him sleep nice and wrapped up in a little box and he is deep in the ground. I didn't ever want to hold him when he was cold and stiff, or really anything that wasn't nice hot cat body temperature. I kissed his little dead head so much.

Last night with Odin

I'm going to miss this beautiful eye so much.

"Good night, sweet prince. And flocks of angels sing thee to thy rest." - Horatio in William Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act V Scene ii.

"To sleep, perchance to dream: - aye, there's the rub. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause." Hamlet in William Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III Scene i.

I didn't intend for both of these quotes to be from Shakespeare or Hamlet, but they seem the most fitting.

It's eerie. You can recognize firsts: first house, first kiss, first day of school. It's rare to know when something will be the last: last date before you break up, last time you see someone, last time you go to a store. This is Odin's last night.