Thursday, February 25, 2010

Where's my Metamutual?

This is what Mom Mom called Metamucil. The point is: I'M OLD. I started to have grey hair about 2 years ago. At first it was just a few silver hairs at my left temple. Everytime I showed it to people, they would say that it wasn't a big deal and not to worry about it. I showed it to my Mom and she replied, "Oh, I went grey early, too. I thought it was because I had kids so young." Thanks, Ma. I now have enough grey hair that I don't have to like, point it out to people or search for those few grey strands. It's not alot of grey, but it's definitely recognizable.

There are other things that remind me of my not so youthfullness. Some are good. I used to have horrible, scarring acne. In the past few months my face has really cleared up and isn't the oil pit it used to be. In fact, when it got really cold down here, I actually got some dry skin on my face! That has NEVER happened before! It seriously made me so happy! The upside to my way overproductive oil glands is that I don't fear wrinkles. My father has insanely oily skin and he looks easily 10 years younger than he is. I'm seeing some of my peers have little crows feet and it's not happening to me yet, so the skin that was the bane of my adolescence may be serving me well into adulthood.

Fortunately, my grey hairs are the only physical reminder that I'm closer to 30 than to 20. My social life is another BIG reminder. I have to check IDs for my job promoting for Allie and serving teeny tiny tastes of gin to a kid who was born in 1987 makes me feel so old. Like, I can REMEMBER 1987. I was in kindergarten. I went to Disney World for my birthday. I mean, I can remember when these people were born. WOW. Sometimes things will come up in conversation with my classmates that remind me that I'm older than some of them, but it's not that extreme since there are other students who are going back to school or are going part time who are my age. The freaking punch in the face that inspired this post came from facebook. The fiance of one of my friends is younger than most of us. She just turned 21, doesn't seem TOOOO bad. Like, I remember my 21st b-day and it doesn't seem that long ago. And when I was 21 I was making much better decisions than when I was 18 and 19, and I graduated college a year early with a great job, so the term "adult" fit me pretty well. While glancing at this friend's fiance's Facebook, I saw that she graduated from high school in 2007. Y'ALL. 2007. That was the year John and I got commonlaw married. I had been out of college for 4 years. I had lived three different places in DC. I had held SIX different jobs. I made more money in 2007 than I have ever made any other year in my life, mainly because of my wonderful severance package. I was a complete and total grown up. Not a recent college graduate or some newb. Like, I could have been married and had a baby and it wouldn't have been shocking. AND she was graduating high school. I AM OLD.

Call me Velveeta

I know it's cheesy, but I love my husband so effing much. I love looking at baby pictures of him because kid John looks alot like grown up John. The same haircut, the same blue eyes, the same high cheekbones, the same triangle nose. Grown up John is responsible and somber. I'm not saying the man never laughs, but he is always working on a project or analyzing something. I think that he would make the ideal Montessori student: everything is a task for him. Shopping is a task. Buying a TV is a task. Tennis practice is a task. Grown up John has an agenda, dude, and you better not get in his way. Kid John puts a toilet seat over his head and it got stuck. Kid John plays with his sister in the lake in front of their parents' house. In a picture that was probably taken before I was born, baby John laughs hysterically on a beautiful sunny day while sitting in his grandfather's lap in a lawn chair outside.
And now he sleeps next to me. When he wakes up he looks at me and smiles and says, "I love you." Then he rolls over. Seriously, when he just wakes up grown up John looks like kid John and it makes me so happy my heart hurts.
Told ya it was cheesy.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Tricky Thursday

John and I have a few shows that we make a point to see together every week. "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia", "The Office", "30 Rock", "Lost", and "The Soup" is our official line up. After last week's "The Office", the NBC commenter said something along the lines of, "The baby is here! Pam gives birth Thursday after the Olympics." The way I heard it was that the show was on this Thursday, today, after NBC got done showing the Olympic games. I fire up the TV at 8:59 and what do I see? Olympics. Then Olympics at 10. Then Olympics at 11. So, apparently The Office is on the Thursday after NBC gets done broadcasting the Olympics. Tricky tricky tricky.
Also, I know I'm nitpicking here, but it's about dang time! Pam's pregnancy has lasted a month longer than my sister in law's, and my SiL is due in 11 days. Plus, the costume people have sucked hardcore at late pregnancy Pam. The fake bump hasn't changed much in about two months. Have you SEEN a woman who is two weeks away from her due date? Really, have you? They're usually holed up. That abdomen looks like it's falling off of them. Doesn't matter how much weight she's gained, what the body type is: A woman who is past 37 weeks pregnant looks like a watermelon is suspended outside of her body. Pam has just looked pleasantly bumpy for the past couple of weeks. STEP IT UP, people.

Secret to youth

I adore Michelle Duggar. I think that she is just the kindest, most patient, most loving woman. On the episode of 19 Kids and Counting that I'm watching now, the Duggars are visiting friends who have 17 kids. And let me tell you, Michelle and the other mom, Kelly, look FANTASTIC. Seriously, these women are both in their early 40s.

Lots of babies apparently equals the fountain of youth.

Grant me patience, Lord.

Today is the second day that I've given up any negative or judgemental thought, and I'm really feeling like my patience is being tried. And you know what? It probably is. I believe God acts in my every day life and that the whining and negativity that are happening around me are there specifically to test my ability to stay positive.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Shiny Happy People!!!

For Lent I gave up being snarky and judgmental. I'm usually very happy and good natured, but in the past few months I've found myself just basically becoming crankier and crankier. I've also not been as happy for others as I usually am. For 40 days no judgemental or bad thoughts will cross my mind or my lips!
This is actually going to make blogging pretty difficult. Here is a story I found today. I'm presenting it without comment.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

This is a sign

I've eaten so many Cheez Its that my hands are too greasy to open a bag of Valentine's Day candy. This may be a sign to unhinge my feedbag.

Monday, February 15, 2010

I'm a proud feminist

But I totally relate more to the woman on the left.

Future Meteorologist

In case you've been in a cave, let me be the first to inform you that every state except for Hawaii got snow on Friday. We got a pretty impressive 7 inches. On Friday afternoon, both Izzy's Mom and Dad called to tell me that Izzy had a question to ask me when she got home from school and to call at about 5:30. I called Izzy's Mom's phone and she handed the phone to Izzy. "Hi! Is it snowing at your house?" "Yes it sure is, Izzy! Is it snowing at your house?" "Uh huh." "Is it pretty? Did you make snow angels? Did you build a snow man?" All of a sudden I'm talking to Izzy's Mom. "Well, that was it. She just wanted to ask you if it was snowing at your house."

Happy Birthday, Uncle Ear Nest!

Instead of writing a gigantic essay on how great my weekend was, I'll just share bits and pieces. We lost power for about 90 minutes late Friday night, which was increased in drama due to the fact that all of the people in our house were pretty soused before it happened. We went to Charleston on Saturday morning after a record snowfall here in SC. The whole family was down there to celebrate Granny's brother's 80th birthday. John and I had been looking forward to the Southeastern Wildlife Exhibition there for several months. Also, there is a sushi restaurant in Charleston that has been featured on Man vs Food for the challenge it does with eating 10 spicy tuna hand rolls. John and Alex were aching to try it out. Of course, nothing truly went as planned, but I'll share some of my favorite bon mots.

- "Oh, Allie is the pillow buyer in our house. Since I've been married, I haven't had to buy one pillow. Hey, how about we pile up all of your shoes and all of your pillows and see which pile is bigger." Alex, who is usually a hilarious and loving good sport, was a little bit cranky after staying up all Saturday night to keep Allie company while she battled some epic acid reflux.

- Me: "Is that the cousin Foster who's a gay doctor?" (Cousin Foster is an MD who hasn't practiced for several years due to complications from rheumatoid arthritis, which has confined him to a HoverRound. Cousin Foster is about 30 years older than me.)
John: "yes."
MiL: "You don't know that."
John: "Oh, I know that he's a doctor. He went to school."
MiL "You don't know that he's gay."
John: "Do most grown men have roommates? Whatever happened to his roommate Jimmy, anyway? And do straight guys show up to family events with very young, attractive Asian male friends?"
MiL: "That man lives with him and Foster pays him to take care of him."
John: "I'll bet he does."

Granny's brother's name is Kenneth Earnest. Apparently most people knew him as Uncle Kenny, but he has taken to being called Ernie in the past few decades. I didn't spell that wrong; his middle name is Earnest. Cue to Alex spending all weekend wishing Uncle Ear Nest a happy birthday.

My nephew is a wiggleworm and is running out of room. He is visible through Allie's stomach. Allie: "That's either a foot or his butt."
Alex: "Those are really different body parts. That's like saying that's either his butt or his ear lobe."
John: "I just saw his clavicle move!"
Alex: "I'm going to tickle his duodenem!"

Allie: "Why didn't the cake say Kenneth or Kenny? It was a big cake. Why didn't it say Kenneth Earnest?"
FiL: "Good Lord, Allison, it didn't have his last name on it either. Do you have a problem with that?"

"We'll have to start rationing the food! We can eat my cat. He doesn't have alot of meat on him." Gina's fears about being without power were amplified by beer.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Debbie Downer

I have no clue how to handle this. I was doing a promotion today at the local Army base, where I promote about once every 5 or 6 weeks and know the people there pretty well. My promotion was from 11 am till 2 pm and things were going pretty well. At a few minutes before noon a young man ran into the liquor store and screamed, "Is there a medic here? MEDIC!!!" And ran out. Turns out a man was either murdered or committed suicide in the men's bathroom. His throat was slashed in a stall. There were medics all over and several people, not including me, went out to see him. He did not survive. I'm hugging John extra hard tonight.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Foot in Mouth: South Carolina's new favorite meal

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Jenny Sanford
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I have to make this quick b/c I need to get ready for class. I think the video says it all. Jenny Sanford will miss the jovial free forced labor at the SC Governer's Mansion. For cripes sake, y'all.

Monday, February 8, 2010

From the guy who invented the Arsenio Hall "whoop whoop".

I don't know about you, but I am a 30 Rock fan to the core. When Liz (Tina Fey) is working with Jack (Alec Baldwin) to get a talk show on the air, one of Jack's plans is to invent a signature arm gesture and sound. I couldn't find the video, but imagine the pictures below are moving and Alec Baldwin is saying, "Uh uh uh!".

I just saw a commercial for travel to Jamaica that showed hordes of Jamaicans smiling and doing some arcane arm gesture. "A Hahahahaha!" I thought. This is great! Weird arm movements are HILARIOUS!!! I couldn't wait to blog about the weirdness. I couldn't find the commercial online, but here is a compilation of some behind the scenes filming:

So, I need to put my foot in my mouth because apparently all the Jamaicans are imitating Usain Bolt, the fastest man in the world. Usain is from Jamaica and his signature pose is what has been dubbed the lightening bolt, which is holding your arms at a weird angle and tilting your torso. Whoopsies! Apparently I'm not up to speed on my Olympians. Seguing nicely into my closing thought from Jack Donaghy: "Human empathy. It's as useless as the Winter Olympics...this February on NBC."

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Girl Named Stewart math

Rum + Duggar Special Delivery = Tears.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

It's the Ciiiiircle of Liiiife...

Our new (and awesome) roommate Gina has a new (and awesome) kitten who is about 6 months old. He is pretty shy but he and Odin are best buds. When Gina goes upstairs she is followed by Cujo, who is followed by Odin, who is followed by Toonces. She told me last night "I feel like I'm in the Circle of Life from the Lion King, man!"