Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Non-breeder rant

I don't have kids, so I can't pretend to know what it's like to have to dress a little idiot. It won't prevent me from judging people, though. Here are 2 pairs of sunglasses from Gymboree:
Our society is so crazy over consumerism. I can tell EXACTLY what kind of parent would buy these glasses. There's no way a parent over 26 years old would buy these and the purchaser is probably a single mom. She can't relate to anything in hip hop but listens to it all the time and thinks it's cute when her kid knows the words to songs. She either went to community college or got some kind of technical training after high school and lives with her parents or rents an apartment. The inside of her older Honda Civic or Nissan Sentra is totally decorated with stuff that says "princess". She has a tattoo with her kid's name. Her kid's name is a weird spelling of a traditional name or a noun that kind of works as a name (and is probably also spelled weirdly) like Natalee or Justyce.

Then there are these:
Oh yeah, hipster glasses for kids. Jesus take the wheel. The parents of this kid weren't married when the mom got pregnant. If they're not married now, it's because they're waiting till everyone has the right to get married or they see marriage as an outdated tradition that doesn't apply to them. If they're engaged now, they got engaged in between when the mom found out she was pregnant and the kid was 6 months old. They have no plans of getting married. If they're married, they had the twee-est ceremony ever. They both wear hipster glasses. They shop at Goodwill for their clothes and some of their baby's clothes because they don't want to buy into the materialism of society, but they will totally buy most of their kid's clothes at Old Navy and Target because they love to dress their kid in new clothes that look old, like t shirts with faded writing. They have a big dog and had another dog or a cat but they "had to" get rid of it when the baby came. They take every picture with the Hipstamatic app on their iPhone. The kid's name is from some book or an author that the parents think is so special because they were so touched by it, but the book or author is very mainstream and has had great success. Examples would be Harper, Puck, or Esmerelda.

1 comment:

SquirrelGurl said...


I totally see EVERYTHING that you are writing about here. I purchased sunglasses for my nephews and niece but they asked for them and they came off the rack at the DOLLAR STORE.

Yea, that's me. Big spender :o)

No hipster sunglasses for my kid, though I did put Doggles on my dog for the sheer amusement of it all...