Deep Breaths

I'm a little bit frustrated right now. It's not a big deal.

Back story: this summer I had a large ruptured ovarian cyst. My period was 12 days late (!), I was tired all the time, I felt full after eating small amounts of food, I gained some water weight below my belly button, and I sometimes had a dull or even hot ache in my lower abdomen. I got it checked out, no big deal, it went away after a month or two.

Right now John and I aren't trying to not start procreating, if that makes sense. I'm 4 days late and I was actually getting a little excited! I've been tired and feeling uncomfortably full. I was waiting until I was a full week late to take a test because I don't want to get a false negative. For about a week I'd intermittently have a sharp twinge in my lower abdomen, which I thought were maybe maybe maybe round ligament pains. This morning I started to feel a dull pain in my lower front side and after lunch felt that familiar hot sensation right where my ovary is. Not being pregnant right now isn't the biggest deal. I just really wish I wouldn't be growing a cyst the first month that a pregnancy would be happy news. Oh well.

TMI?

I think John's in guy heaven. This evening he watched Star Wars and then watched porn while playing Angry Birds.

Non-breeder rant

I don't have kids, so I can't pretend to know what it's like to have to dress a little idiot. It won't prevent me from judging people, though. Here are 2 pairs of sunglasses from Gymboree:
Our society is so crazy over consumerism. I can tell EXACTLY what kind of parent would buy these glasses. There's no way a parent over 26 years old would buy these and the purchaser is probably a single mom. She can't relate to anything in hip hop but listens to it all the time and thinks it's cute when her kid knows the words to songs. She either went to community college or got some kind of technical training after high school and lives with her parents or rents an apartment. The inside of her older Honda Civic or Nissan Sentra is totally decorated with stuff that says "princess". She has a tattoo with her kid's name. Her kid's name is a weird spelling of a traditional name or a noun that kind of works as a name (and is probably also spelled weirdly) like Natalee or Justyce.

Then there are these:
Oh yeah, hipster glasses for kids. Jesus take the wheel. The parents of this kid weren't married when the mom got pregnant. If they're not married now, it's because they're waiting till everyone has the right to get married or they see marriage as an outdated tradition that doesn't apply to them. If they're engaged now, they got engaged in between when the mom found out she was pregnant and the kid was 6 months old. They have no plans of getting married. If they're married, they had the twee-est ceremony ever. They both wear hipster glasses. They shop at Goodwill for their clothes and some of their baby's clothes because they don't want to buy into the materialism of society, but they will totally buy most of their kid's clothes at Old Navy and Target because they love to dress their kid in new clothes that look old, like t shirts with faded writing. They have a big dog and had another dog or a cat but they "had to" get rid of it when the baby came. They take every picture with the Hipstamatic app on their iPhone. The kid's name is from some book or an author that the parents think is so special because they were so touched by it, but the book or author is very mainstream and has had great success. Examples would be Harper, Puck, or Esmerelda.

Project Condom

Project Condom (Project Runway but with condoms) was last night at USC and it was fantastic! Here are some of the dresses. The winning one was the gigantic Vegas showgirl outfit with the headdress. I love my job!

Born to do this

When I saw Mariah Carey in Disney’s Christmas Parade last year all I could think of was how she was born to do this. Her life had all lead up to this moment of her lip-synching on a pre-recorded broadcast that celebrates the most sacchrine, commercial aspects of the holiday season while she was pregnant and dressed like a Christmas ornament in a dress so short that the whole world was her gyno. I’m not being facetious. She was born to do that. I was born to do the job that I have now. That’s the best way I can put it. This job is what I was put on Earth to do.

New Addition!

Introducing Deputy Awesome! She joined our little family two Fridays ago and she's getting along with everyone like gangbusters! Her first night here she and Cujo fought like, well, cats and dogs but check them out now! Look at her actually hugging Cujo with both of her front paws. Yay for new friends!

Fudge, I miss my cat

I really do. Gosh darn it, he was just so awesome. So friendly and loving. John and I used to joke that our animals were equally parts dog and cat since Cujo would climb on the backs of furniture and Odin would wait for us when we got home. He knew when the garage door opened, that meant we would come home and there were almost always four little orange feet under the door when we would walk up the stairs. We didn't let him sleep in our bedroom because he would walk all over our faces at like 5 am but without fail he was outside our door at about 6:30 every morning meowing. It was hilarious because he had food and water and access to the litterbox; he just wanted us to watch him go to the bathroom and eat. One of us would open the door and Odin would race down the hallway to the litterbox as if we had just put it down.
I miss him every day and John has been having anxiety dreams about him every other night. I just miss him.